


Dislike

by SilverMidnight



Series: Deeks/Callen [18]
Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Conversation, Friendship, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24120829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMidnight/pseuds/SilverMidnight
Summary: While Kensi and Deeks are talking in 'Don't Belong' Sam and Callen have a conversation of their own.
Relationships: Pre Marty Deeks/G Callen
Series: Deeks/Callen [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/800163
Kudos: 15





	Dislike

**Author's Note:**

> Enough of you asked for a conversation between Callen and Sam and this is what happened. It's not as nice as the one Deeks and Kensi had, but I think a lot of this needed to be talked about at some point in time!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook 'SilverMidnight52' or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Rolling his neck back and forth slowly Callen waited slightly impatiently until the footsteps of Kensi and Deeks faded away before dropping his head forward. It was obvious to anyone that was looking that there was something going on between the two of them. Something that wasn't all that unfamiliar with them as time went on.

The partners had grown close over the short time the detective had been a part of their team. A closeness that wasn't just because they worked together either. It was a deep friendship. The kind that people moved mountains to keep.

Which was a good thing. With the work that they did day in and day out it was crucial to all involved that teams and partners be close. Having the two care about each other the way that they did helped all of them.

At the same time he was more an a little envious of them. It had taken him more years than he liked to admit and more partnerships that he barely remembered before he actually understood what those words meant.

Maybe it was stupid of him, but he had always thought that it was better for everyone if they worked alone. Especially in the work that they did. Where the likelihood of one of them dying so great that it came up multiple times a day.

He didn't dismiss it outright, but he also didn't want that to be a part of his life either. He didn't want a time to come when he felt as if the person by his side meant as much as, maybe more than, the case they were working.

It wasn't the best way to live and he knew it, but it was his way. Then he joined NCIS and the things he thought he knew slowly started to shift. It wasn't weak or stupid or a waste of time to have a partnership with a strong, unshakable foundation.

Sam taught him that along with Hetty, Kensi, and Eric. They alone had shown him how the things he brushed off before were worth the risk of being hurt if they ended badly. They made him want more than he had.

There were, of course, times where everything in him screamed to grab what he couldn't live without and run. Good things like when he had with the team didn't last for long and when they finally did fall they took everything down with them.

There were also times when he could even convince himself to believe what his team believed. Times when the future maybes weren't nearly as terrifying as they seemed. Times when he really thought he deserved to have some kind of happiness.

And then he came across someone like Deeks. Someone that knew how to see the world for what it was, see the future for all its uncertainty, and still smile as if the world wasn't trying to take everything that was good out of them all.

After he first met Deeks he had brushed him off as just another cop playing hero. A man that had a simple, happy life never knowing more than a paper cut his mommy kissed better. A smile always on his lips, roof over his head, and food on the table. A wonderfully ordinary life.

It rarely happened that Callen read a person so wrong. Yes, he had made mistakes in the past, but none more so than with Deeks. He was nothing like the man he wanted the world to see. He was as scarred and damaged as they came and he had a smile that made the sun shiner brighter.

It had been a long time since he had felt such a way about someone else. He had never put much stock in romance. It wasn't as if he didn't believe in it or anything like that. He just… He didn't think that there was any place in someones heart to love him like that. His own family didn't love him. Hell, he barely loved himself. Why would some stranger?

"Callen?" Sam questioned jerking him out of his thoughts, "What are you thinking?"

"Nothing," he replied lifted his head up, "Just stretching."

Even as he said the words he found himself wishing that their relationship was different. A little more like what Kensi and Deeks shared. It wasn't as if he wasn't close to Sam or anything like that. More he knew those two could talk and become stronger. He wasn't sure he and Sam could do that.

Alright, that was a bit of a lie. A lot of a lie. Callen knew that there was almost nothing he could say to make the older man walk away from the friendship they had built. He could tell Sam anything and they'd still be friends. The two of them had been through too much together for something inconsequential to break their friendship.

At least so far there hadn't been anything like that. Still, there was always a nagging feeling in his gut that something was going to come along and change everything. That something would make Sam walk away without looking back.

It wasn't the first time that he had been wary of losing their friendship because of something he did though. He had underestimated the man before. In the beginning he had assumed the man would react badly when he found out he was gay.

It was easy to think that way. Hell, after everything that he had been through throughout his life it was safer to think that way. As much as he wanted to believe that the world was full of kindhearted people he knew better. The kindhearted were hidden under many layers of shit.

The truth was that Sam had spent basically all of his life surrounded by the military. They were slowly starting to change the rules that had hurt so many people like him, but that was very new and not everyone liked it.

Callen was aware that it hadn't been fair of him to think that way about Sam when they first met. He had to keep himself safe though. That meant holding back on people until he knew whether or not they'd accept him. Especially someone that was meant to have his back.

Not telling his partner about his feelings for Deeks though wasn't to protect himself though. Sam had met a few of his ex's. He already knew that he hadn't always picked the best person to date. Okay, he rarely picked the best person to date. That wasn't the point.

He wasn't protecting himself. He was trying to protect Deeks. It wasn't like it was a secret that Sam wasn't a fan of the detective. Everyone knew. They barely even questioned it anymore. It wasn't as if the mans feeling got in the way. Sam was far too professional for that to happen.

It wasn't as if Deeks really seemed to care that Sam didn't like him. At least he never acted as if he did. If Callen was honest though that seemed on par with what he knew about the younger man. If it wasn't truly affecting him or those around him than it wasn't worth it to try to figure out.

"Why don't you like Deeks?" Callen found himself asking before he realized he was talking.

As soon as the words left his mouth Callen wanted to smack himself. The relationship between Sam and Deeks had become an unspoken thing. He wanted to keep it that way too. It didn't matter how much any of them disliked it they weren't in the middle of it.

Yes, it mattered to the team that everyone worked well together and they did. Out on the field they were stronger than they had been before. The issues they had came when none of them were in any danger of being hurt.

It was because of that he had decided early on that there couldn't be outside influence between them. Whatever was going on had to be solved that way too. No good could come if anyone decided to try to solve it for them.

At the same time though he did have a vested interest. Not just because Sam was his friend and he had some kind of feeling for Deeks, but because he was the team leader. He needed to know that the team worked together. He needed to know that he wasn't sending them into a fight with doubts in their minds.

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked leaning back in his chair.

"Sam," Callen shook his head moving to the other side of his desk and leaning against it, "You're not subtle."

"You've met him, G."

"I have. He's helped us more times than I can count."

"Put us in danger too."

"So have I. So have you."

"He's untrained."

"So we train him. We've done it before. We'll do it again."

"He's undisciplined. Everything's a joke to him."

"We all have ways of coping and yeah his is annoying, but he's good. So why don't you like him?"

Shaking his head Sam turned so he was facing the detectives desk. Out of everyone on the team it looked most like Sam's, but in a different way. Sam's was organized and professional. Deeks was strategically empty. It was almost as if he thought that he wasn't going to be around long enough for it to matter.

It was clear to anyone that was looking that the desk belonged to someone who didn't think they were going to be there long. Or one that thought they weren't welcomed. Callen wasn't sure which of those broke his heart the most.

For almost all of his life that had been exactly how Callen had felt. He was an outsider looking in having no idea what it was that he was even seeing. He wouldn't wish that feeling on his worst enemy let alone Deeks.

The idea that the younger man felt anything like made something twist angrily in his chest. He was very aware that no one on the team had welcomed him with open arms. They all questioned basically everything about him.

They had started to warm up to him though. Eric and Kensi were the first ones not that that surprised anyone. The two were the ones that held their hearts a little more open to everyone around them.

He and Sam, on the other hand, watched from the background wondering if it was worth it to open themselves up to a new person. Again it wasn't the best thing for them to do, but it did keep them safe. Sort of.

Still it had been almost a year. The time to watch and wait was long gone. They couldn't keep acting like Deeks was just on loan. He was a part of the team and the last thing that he wanted was for someone on his team to feel like they didn't belong.

His team was his family. Families weren't supposed to make each other feel like they didn't belong. At least functioning, loving ones weren't. That was what he wanted the team to be. Functioning and loving. A solid family.

Yes, he could admit that he had some romantic feelings for the detective, but in the end that didn't matter. He was a part of their family as well. No matter how he felt that meant more to him than anything else.

Which probably didn't always come across in the way he acted. He was trying though. He really was. It was a difficult line for him to cross. Bringing a new person into the little family that had been created was as hard as it sounded. Especially since Deeks didn't seem to need them.

"He's not going to last," Sam finally answered before looking back at him, "He doesn't want to either."

"What do you mean?" Callen questioned moving closer to his friend.

"He's LAPD. It's been over a year and he's still LAPD. That says a lot."

Callen wanted to argue with the older man, but the words died on his lips before they could even really be formed. He had asked himself that very question more times than he liked to admit. Every time he heard Deeks referred to as 'LAPD' or 'detective' he wondered why.

When Hetty had come to him with the form to bring the man onto the team he had hesitated. It wasn't that he didn't think that Deeks was a good fit or anything like it. It was more that he didn't seem to care either way.

After everything that he had read on the younger mans past he could admit to not understanding him. He acted like the abuse and trauma he suffered didn't happen. No one would be able to guess that his father had been as bad as he was.

Nothing that Deeks did made sense with the person that Callen thought he was. He was fully aware that that was his fault. He thought the detective was one thing and he never really tried to get past that view point until…

He didn't want to say that it was too late, but the fact that it had been months since Hetty gave the papers to Deeks to sign and nothing had happened did say a lot. It was like it was barely a blip on the radar before they all moved onto other things.

There was a part of him wanted to question what happened. Were things not going the way Deeks thought they should be? Did he still not feel like he belonged fully on the team? What was keeping him from joining them?

That was the last thing he could do though. As much as he hated it he knew that there was nothing he or anyone could say to the younger man to change his mind. He needed to want to be a part of the team or nothing was going to change.

"He's a lot like you used to be," Sam continued after a moment smirking up at him.

"Seriously?" Callen couldn't help laughing out.

"In a way. He's not as angry at the world as you were, but he's holding himself back from us. He's waiting for the right time before he walks away. He's hiding from us."

"Aren't we all?"

"Maybe, but can you ever see Deeks coming to us for anything? I know you like him, Callen, I know Kensi and Eric do too, but I don't think we should get attached to someone who doesn't even know if he wants to be here."

Callen hated how much sense his partner was making. Most of the time it did feel like Deeks would rather be any place but with them. It was something he hated, but it was also something he had no control over.

"Doesn't mean he's not a part of the team while he's here," Callen offered trying not to sound as broken hearted as he felt.

"You're right," Sam agreed picking up his pen once more and focusing on his food and his work, "I'll try to be better about that."


End file.
